Today was supposed to be a joyous day. It was my due date for my little girl. My little girl that God took away at 16 weeks instead.Not a day goes by that I don't think of what could of been.
Today would of been the beginning of the official countdown to her birth because I'm sure if things went the way they were supposed to, I would of gone past my due date, as I had with my other 3. But here I sit, with empty arms.....and a broken heart.
The new life inside me is growing and I'm sure will help heal a small part of the whole in my heart, but there will always be a special place in there for my Angel baby.
In a little while, I will be going to the cemetery, I plan on lighting 3 candles at my grandparents' grave, one for each of them, and one for my Angel that I'm sure they're looking after.
I thank God every day for my healthy boys and for this baby growing inside me, but I can't help but feel sorrow for the little one I lost.
4 comments:
Anna, I remember after my (much, much earlier) miscarriage, I was surprised that I found myself dreading the due date--even though I was pregnant again. It's such an odd feeling--you know that if the first had been born, you wouldn't be having the second. So you in a way can't wish things were different, but you still miss the one that you didn't get to meet. At least that's how I felt. It wasn't as hard for me since my m/c pregnancy was SO short but still...I feel like every baby that doesn't get a chance to be born deserves to be grieved. Even if, in the great span of things, all is for the best (as I'm sure it will be when this one is born), the loss is still tragic and unfair.
I'm rambling.... I'll pray for you today, and I'm glad you're honoring the memory of your little girl!
I'm thinking of you as well today. After reading your blog entry, I'm sitting here in tears. I know what that feeling of loss is.....wish I could hug you right now. I love you.
((Hugs))
I am praying for a peachful day...opps...that is peaceful. I normally erase typos, but that one cracked me up
Have a peachful day!!
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