I know that there are a lot of people praying for us and that everyone is "there" if I need them, but these past few days I've been feeling so alone.
Davide acts like he's moved on, he even seems annoyed when I mention our Angel baby. He's been back on his work all night, sleep all day routine, and when he's up he's been really mean to the boys...again. I really wish he wouldn't take his grief and frustration out on them. They can be a handful, but they really don 't deserve this, they're just kids.
I've been going to the doctors appointments/school meetings and doing all the paperwork for the boys on my own, and it's really taking a toll on me.
Yesterday Christophers service coordinator called and I just didn't have the energy to pick up the phone.
At night I've just been laying there touching my belly even though I know that the baby is not there any more. I just feel so empty. When the house is quiet (when Chris naps and the others are at school) I just sit there and cry, because I seem to be the only one who is grieving this baby.
I speak to my mom almost every day, but she's been pretty snotty with me. I'm just not emotionally stable right now, and it feels like more and more demands are falling on my shoulders and I'm about to drop.
Sorry for the long vent, and the lack of words of wisdom, but I'm just ready to shut down.
MIL watched the kids for a few days while I was in and out of doctors/hospitals and all she kept complaining about was that some of our mini blinds were broken........(the last thing on my mind right now)
so yesterday I went out, bought 14 new blinds, replaced them all and washed all my curtains....and the only thing I got out of it was exhaustion. I'm tired of pleasing other people, I just want to feel better and be able to deal with what's happening to me physically and emotionally but, I just can't find the way.
ahhh I better get off this computer, Christopher has yet another therapist coming.
Hope next time I blog I will be feeling a little more positive.
6 comments:
no need to apologize Anna...what you are feeling is completely normal. 3 years later and I STILL grieve over my miscarriage/non-viable pregnancy. Seriously, if you need someone to vent or cry to or to understand how you are feeling, I will talk to you on the phone. And I'm still grieving with you over your Angel Baby.
I am so sorry, Anna. I will keep praying; e-mail me any time. cbethblog (at) gmail (dot) com
Your family needs to remember that your heart is broken AND your body is trying to deal with the sudden change in hormones. You have a lot going on inside. Nobody can walk in your shoes, but don't forget to let them walk beside you.
I will keep praying for you and your family.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Oh Anna,
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better.
Please know that I'm thinking of you.
((hugs))
I'm sorry Anna! You guys are in my daily thoughts and prayers. I wish I lived closer.
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